


THE WORLD'S BEST UNDERTALE FIC EVAR

by BadassBeluga69 (ShamanicShaymin)



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Cliche, Crack, Declarations Of Love, Deliberate Badfic, Ecto-Penis (Undertale), Euphemisms, F/F, F/M, Giant Dicks, Humor, M/M, Magical Healing Cock, Multi, Multiple Orgasms, Non-Binary Chara, Non-Binary Frisk, Other, Parody, Public Sex, Purple Prose, Revenge, Rivalry, Xenophilia, boobieez!!!1, but nobody came
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-07 20:03:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 2,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7728022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShamanicShaymin/pseuds/BadassBeluga69
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>sanz wants 2 get togthr 5evr wit hiz Tru Luv Toreel, but assgorr adn dat deemon cara rune everythign!!1!1! will sanz adn toreel evr get tog3tha? PLZ R/R!!!!1 nott 4 assgr or chara fanz lol</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. CHAPPIE 1

Once upon a tim (lyke da show! rumbelle 4eva!!!!11!1), sans was sad. very very sad. he laffs it off butt he iz very sad. usually puting woopee cussionz in all da seetz at grillbeez cheered him up butt now sans wuz crying instead of laffing. 

'watz da matter homie?" askz grillby  
'i cant tak3 it anymore grill" sobz sans. crystalline tears fell from hiz opal eye sockitz. "every day i kno my life is gonna b reset. so i cant tell my tru luv torii how i feel. DAM DAT ASSGORE"  
"assgore more like asshole lol" grillbee sed.  
"i kno rit he killd all doz kids he duznt deserv tori" sans growld. "on topp of dat theirz a kidd who runes r livz and well nevr get a happy ending. there namz chara and dere scum i h8 them. they hav hair dat lookz lik3 hee-mann butt dunt b f00led. they hav dumb clown cheekz and their butt probably haz them 2. if u see a kid with blodd-red eyez wit a kniff wh0 wantz cholate lemme kn0 and ill beet them up"  
"sonds like a reel demon"  
"he iz a demon grillz"  
"no shit" 

den sans finshed hiz catsup adn went bak 2 hiz room 2 crai in hiz sleep


	2. CHAPPIE 2

sanz tozed adn turnd in hiz sleep. he wuz dreeming of toreel standing in a flower feeld holding a red apple. he wuz abut 2 reech out wen chara da azzhol demon laffed and stabed her 

"tori nooooooooooooooooo"  
"sans help me"  
"HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! too bad skeletin ul never see tori agan!!!1" cakled cara 

sanz fanted. wen he wok up he saw a tall shadowee figurr "who r u" he askd.   
"i am gasstr." sad da figurr. "i am here 2 tell u gud thingz r gonna happen 2 u."  
"rlly!?!?!?"  
"yes" gastrr sed. "but if u want 2 fix thingz u must bewarr"  
"bewarr of who?"  
"bewarr da deemon" 

ten sans woku up all confuzzed. WAT DUZ IT MEAN? WAT DUZ IT MEEEEEEEEEN?


	3. CHAPPIE 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: STOPP FALMING U GUIZ OR SANZ IS GUNA GIV U A BAD TIM

"SANZ SANZ OMG IM SO HAPPY" Pupyriss cheeerd. "o yea i gott u spugetti"  
"wut pap"  
"i hav a d8 wit da sexiezt robott prostitude eva!!11! hiz nam iz mettatin and were goin 2 hav fun!"   
"wtf pap ur 2 yung 4 romanc. u dont even kn0 wat a proztitut iz."  
"of corz i kn0w!!111 proztitudez r entrtainerz and mettaton iz gona entertan me!" 

"hay honey im here 4 r date" it's....... mettaton! hez in hiz ex form and weering a pink tong and fishnetz. he speekz in a sultree tone kinda like johny depp and ewin mcgregor if tehy were robtoz. he werz an MCR shirt with a boob window cut out 4 hiz hart plat and now hez got his long silvr armz arund papyriss "we gott al sortz of tings 2 doin r playroom darling" mtt swayd hiz hipz lyk a slut"  
"O WOWIW BOY!!11!" papy yelld. "LYK SPAGETTI ADN X-BOX AND.......... ANAL!" 

sanz gott angree adn jelly. how dar papyriss mak choicez with0ut him! hez hiz innocint brothr!!11!11 

"how dar u da bon3 zon3 iz clozed" sans eyz glow3d lik dat guy from 1 of da terminator moveez i 4get.   
"tuff shit darling oh papy plz mak luv 2 me darling" mettaton crid 

so papy and mtt mady outt in da snow. papy took mtts clothz off and mtt took off papy's. SPROING!!!1 Papyruz dik poppod out lik3 a kangaroo and gl0d lik hot hott lava. 

"o oh papyriss ur so big!!1!11" mtt marvled adn stokd da skelletinz massiv 15-inch-cock.  
"i da gr8 papyruz am gunna cum insid u now!" papy anounced. so he pit hzi tingee in mettatonz u-know-wat adn fuk3d him   
"O PAPY O O UR SO GUD I LUV U"  
"I LUV U 2 METTATON"

den they both cumm3d at da same time and all da snow in snowdin turned pink adn oraing3 wit there luv juizez. sanz is mad kuz he st00d dere da hol3 tim. h3 h8z mettatun and wantz 2 kill him.


	4. CHAPPIE 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: i want 10 revewwz b4 i rit3 da next chapter! i kn0 therez no soreel yet butt PLZ B PASHINT!!111!

frissk had falen d0wn fr0m da ruinz and cummed 2 snowdin. dey wre trying 2 figur out wut 2 do but dat st00pid voyce in dere hed wont shut up. 

"kill dat snowdraco" saed teh voice. (AN: WHO CUD IT BE????????)  
"no i dunt want 2" sed friskj. 'draco is hott, hez my fav3"  
"snowdraco iz nott tom feltzon u idiot" yelld da voice "now kill snowdeaco"   
"ok" frisk sh3d a teer as dey kild snowdraoc. 

"dud stopp ur guna hav4 a bad tem"  
"HOO GOEZ THEIR" showted frisk in dere evil voyc3. (AN: dunworry, its not frisk whoz making it, itz da ebil voice!!11)   
"i am sanz i kn0 wut u r ur a deemon keeping m3 fr0m my tru luv toreel."  
"I KILT TOREEL. HER BLOOD IZ DELISHISS ADN I MAD IT IN2 A CHOLAT PIE KUZ I LUV CHOCOLAT ADN BLOOD."   
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" sanz crid. frizk laffd.


	5. CHAPPIE 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: sorry 4 da cliffie!!11!

"OMG DAT GUY SUX!" alfiss crid. "dis is worss dan mew mew kizzy cutee 2! ever1z gonna die!!!!!"   
"ima gunan beet up daty punk!" sed undine as she stumpd on the tv. "i cant lett tem kil all monstrz!!! i muzt sav3 evryone!"   
"my hero!11" alfish sw00nd. "ur so cooliez undinn ur da bezt gf ever"   
"comere u sexy bitch!" undyine crid. than undyine and alfie kist and mad out a lot. ten they tok there clothz off and ribbed each otherz breastz. they humpd each othr until they had 37525426 orgismz. 

"man i dunno wat i evr saw in azzgor." alfiz sed. "hez sooooooooo not hawt, unlike u!"  
"lol i bet hsi dik iz waaaaaaay small" undiin cakl3d  
"hahaha it is! no wondr tori left him" alfiss laffed   
'o no diss iz horibl3!!1" mtt cam in da lab crying.  
"wut iz it?" undynn asked.  
"my tru luv papyrus iz ded!" mtt fainted.


	6. CHAPPIE 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: HAHAHAHAA ANOTR CLIFFIE!!!11!1 IM NOT SORRY AT ALL! NO WAIT DUNT GO THIZ IZ A SORREEL CHAPPIE PLZ DUNT LEEVE ME I AM POR ADN HAV3 NO MONEE ;(

$%$%$ FLASHBACK $%$%$%$ 

toreel adn sanz were walkin 2gthr at waterfal enjoyin da flowrz. but 2 sanz, toreel iz the most beetiful of all. sh3 worr a big ball gown as red as rubieez, lyk wat katara wore in hw i became yourz (AN: AWESOM WEBCOMIC GO READ IIIIIIT! ZUTARA 4EVAR) and seh had golden topax flowerz in hr peerly fur. her saffirez orbz twinkld as sh3 gaz3d at sanz, making hiz hart melt. sanz wore a sexy ebony suit and ivory wite shirt shown off hiz ribz like lestat in interview wit a vamperi (AN: if u dunt know who dat iz, FUK U!!!!11) and tit pantz dat show hiz curvz in all the rit placez. 

"i gott sumthing i wanna tel u" sed toreil.  
"wut iz it luv?"  
"i nevr wanted 2 marree azzgor." toreiil sobbed. "hed beet me and call me namez lik slutt and whor3 and tye me 2 hiz bedd adn rap me. datz how assreel wuz born. i trid 2 raize him 2 b a gentlmin butt then an evil humin fell down. assgor demadned we tak3 tem in or elze. ten da humin startd 2 beet up assriel too and laff and mak him cry. finaly da chidl trickd him 2 goin 2 da surfiss with them where azzie gott beeten by teh humins in da village. i say beetin, but asreel was acrtually... gag-rapped!!! he cudnt esscap3 assgor and the fallin humyinz evil wayz and turned in2 an ebil flower that iz an serial killer OMG Asriel Dreemru iz cereal kilerz i shjudv kn0n all along!!!11" toreel sobbed and sobbed.   
"im so sorry torii assgore iz guna pay 4 dis and so is that evil demon child" sanz cryed 2.   
"i declaired dat ill nevr luv again! or go lezbeen kuz lezbeenz r purr and innosint lyke undyne teh hero." whaled torie. "but ten i remeberd omg who wud evr luv me im damaged gud waaaaaah"   
"i luv u tori i luv u 4evr" sanz sed.  
"omg i luv u sans" tori crid sum moar and sans gentley whipped away her teears.  
"letz 4get dat evil ass husbind and his ebil demon kid. letz get funky" sanz winkd sexy 

toree wiggld her hipz lyk moldsmol as sanz help3d her outta her drezz. she rold sanz shirt off hiz sholderz lik she had seen in all da sexy monster moviez. sans and tori kissed and dere tonguz danc3d teh disco 

"oh boy tori your breads r so big adn perf" sanz sed as he likd 1 boob then teh othr.  
"omg sans dat feelz so god MOAR MOAR" toreil cried. 

then sans dropd hiz pantz and a lit-sabr whoosh was herd. sanz weener stood at 20 hole inchez and shown briter adn prowdr lik a litehouze. it waz way thik and beefy juzt like sanz hawt dogz (AN: gett it? lulz) 

"OH HONEY STICK IT IN ME" moar crystallin tearz dropped down toreilz delicat face. "RAM IT IN MY HUNGRY PUSSY. I NEED YOU NOW SO FUCK ME."  
"careful this zi guna hurt" sanz enterd her and toriel wept as her virgnity shatred 4 sanz blue love staff. assgore iz so tiny butt sanz is so big and sanz is perfect and now tori knew wat tru luv was.   
"OH SANZ MY HONEYPOT CANT TAKE IT" toreil shotwd.  
"HELP TORI IM GONNA CUM" Sanz eyes gl0wd lik firecrakerz. 

Teh forc3 of sans and toriz luv was so strong it blew waterfal upsix3 down. torel went 2 outer spazz adn had 378632 orgasmz at teh sam3 tem as sanz. sanz witdrew adn his leftovr semen mad a tree grow. 

"omg dat was beutiful" tori cried. "ill nevr 4gewt dis nit3 evr."  
"let thiz tree b a cymbal of r luv and carv r initilz in it, so ever1 kn0wz wat r luv is capabl3 of."   
"TAKE DAT ASSGORE!" toreil cried. "i wuv u sans"  
"i luv u 2 tori"  
ten they mad3 out 4 teh rezt of the nite. 

$%$%$ END FLASHBACK $%$%$%$ 

sanz is at da tre he built wit toriel at waterfall weping. he remembrz evrythng cleerly adn hez even moar deetremin3d 2 kill azgor adn teh demon child and frisk. 

"im so sorry tori ill aveng u. my bro 2 i gues. teh human wil not get away with this!!!!!!!!!!"


	7. CHAPPIE 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: STOP FLAMXIGN ME U BASTERDZ IF U DUNT LIK LEMONZ DUNT REED!!!11 I CLEERLY PUT UP WARNINGZ AND U CHOZ 2 IGNOR TEHM SO GET OFF TEH INTERNET AND LEERN 2 B AN ADULT!!11!

king assgorr waitd in hiz casstle ddrinkg whine adn laffing. soon he waz guna tak3 ovr the world and destroy all huminz. all he n333dded waz 1 moar sole 2 becum god. 

"HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA! Soon teh surfiss wil b min adn ill get 2 fuk all teh ladieez i want!!! ten i can go find dat slut toreel and show her whoz da MAAAAN. aftr i finsh 20 canz of beer, lol. and wath f00tbal."   
"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, AZZGOR!!!" shoted a voice.  
"WHO DAREZ DISTURB MY DOMANE!!1!" azgorr yeld. he turnd aruoudd. it was... sans!   
"ITZ ALL UR FALT MY TRU LUV IS DED!" sanz rored.   
"huh toriel?" assgorr chukdle. "oh i thnk u meen WHORE-RIEL. u shud see how hungree she is 4 my dik every nit. SHEZ DEFILLED 4EVR AND SUKING COX IN HELL, JUZT LIK UR MOM. ADN GASSTER TOO, DAT SLUT."   
"u slept wit my dad!?" sans gasped.  
"DATZ RIT3 FOOLISH BOY" teh ebil king laffed. "IT IZ I HOO PUSH3D HIM IN2 DA VOID. BUT NOTT B4 I PUSHED HIZ BUM WIT MY DICK!!!1!1 he lov3d it btw"   
"DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!!!" sanz yeled.  
"o noez" assogr mad3 a stupid face as sanz dunk3d him in hiz chare and kikd him off da core 

"gud all datz left is dat deemon child cara" sans sed.  
"lol gud luck with dat." a voice sed.  
"Frisk!!! ive been waitn 4 u kid u r soooooooooo busted."  
"Frisk iznt hear anymoar idiot."  
"omg WHO ARE YOU???" 

tere in da halway wuz a human with an uglee sweeter adn poop-brown hare. they had hideeuz clown cheekz wich tehy prolly had on there ass 2. tehy laff ebilyy. 

"im da demon that cumz when u call itz name" sad teh evbil humin. it was........................ cara!


	8. CHAPPIE 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: OMG WERE U SIRPRIZED????? I BET NOBODEE SAT DAT TWIST CUMMING!!11

sans glarred at teh deemon child, teh guy responzibl3 4 all teh evil in teh world along wit aszzgore. 

"U RUNED MY LIFE U PEACE OF SHIT!!11!" sanz shoted.   
"im gunna enjoy beeting u up, juzt lik i enjoy3d beeting up assreel." cahra cakled. "he wuz such a wimp, juzt lik u lol" 

"SHUT UPPP!!!!" sanz shot tunz of bonez and gasstr blastrr thingeez at em. cara kept doging evry hit adn laff3d adn laff3d. tehy had an enormouz knif3 mad out of choclat and bl00d kuz thts their fave. sanz gott knock3d to teh grund adn chara ponted tehri knif3 at him grinnign wikiedly. 

"ima gona kill u, juzt lik3 i did wit all teh othr monsterz underground, like your br0 adn gf" cara lik3d tehre knif3 lik a psycho freek. "any last words!!!!!!????"   
"I AM NEVR GIVING UP!!!" sanz push3d chara off adn smak3d them. "GET DUNKED ON KID!!!!111!1"  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" chara cried. they went flying lik3 teem rocket adn their knif3 slid across teh ground. 

sanz pikked up teh knif3 and raized it ovr da demon child. "This... is 4 tori!!!!"   
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, YOU IDIOTS????"   
sans adn cara wer3 confuzzed. whoz there? itz........................ Flowey!


	9. CHAPPIE 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: ALMOZT DUN!!!!11 IF YOU GIVE ME 20 MOAR REVIWEZ ILL RIT3 A SEQUEEL!!!!!11

"wtf ur supoz3d 2 b ded" cara scowld.  
"HOW DAR3 U DITCH M3 U LITLE PRIK!!!1" flwoey yelld. "U SAD YOU'D B FATHFUL 2 M3 BUTT THEN U FUK3D EVRYONE IN TEH UNDERGRUND!!11! WELL GUESS WAT BICH. IMA GUNNA DITCH U!!!"  
"no flwoey noooooooo" cara cried.  
"no azzee nooooooooo" sanz cried. but it wuz 2 l8. floowey stolen all teh soulz in da underground adn became........ GODZILLA FLOWEY!!! 

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" godzila flowey laff3d as he breethd nucleer fire ovar teh barrir adn da surface. "IF I CANT HAV3 U CARA NOBODT WILL!!!!!!"   
"shit dat aint gud im supposex 2 b teh bad guy" cahra sed.  
"we gotta stop him!!!" sanz sed.  
"4get it itz hopl3zz."  
"fuk u deemon child." 

calin out 2 teh six solez, sanz iz abl3 2 fly and kik flowey in da ballz. then he used da biggezt gasster blasster he evr had and balsted flowey 2 peecez!!!!   
"NOOOOOOO STOP JUST LET ME WIN" floowyt cried.  
"NEVAR!!!!1" Sans cried.  
And floowey gott dunk3d on.


	10. CHAPPIE 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (AN: THANK U 2 ALL MY LOVELY REEDRZ!!! DA FIRST CHAPPIE OF DA SEQUEL IZ OUT NOW, SO GO EVIEW REEWVIEW REVIEW!!!!!)

"waaaaaa this suckz i h8 loozing" azzie sobb3d. he iz a tiny goat kidd teh most kawai kid in teh world. he wipz hiz eyes 2 get ridd of teh cristallin3 teerz on his peerly fur.   
"god wat a bby" chara roled tehir eyz.   
"shut up ur the reezin this happen3d in the first plac3." sanz glarred at cara.   
"non of us r gonna reset anymor, so haha. u r nevr gona see tori agan." chara razzberried at sans.   
"IM GUNNA KIL U U LITTL3 BRAT" sanz grab3d caraz throot. butt then he stopp3ed. "no way i hav3 a bettr way 2 mak u pay. WIT MY DIK."  
"FUK YEA NOW WERE TALKIN" Cara sed.  
"Ewwww" assreal sad and walked awy. 

sansz riped hiz clothz off adn reveelx his enormiss lite-saber weener. tehn he tor off cara'z sweeter and mad3 tem nakkid. 

"omg i lov3ed dat sweeter now u dye" charaz smaked sanz in teh fac3 wit theri boobiez. ten they hit him wit teir dik wich iz juzt as big as sanz.   
"ima mak u cum lik3 a fr8 train" sanz yell3d  
"lol no u" cara shov3d sanz 2 teh ground and put tehri thingee in sanz pelvis.  
"ouch" sad sanz.   
"OHHHHHHHHH YEAH RIDE EM COWBOY" Cara showted as tehy orsgamed inside sanz 99999999999999 times and sans orgasmed 99999999999999999999999999999999999999 times. tehn they fell asl33p in each othrsz armz. 

 

epilog: assreal found teh reel frisk adn they made out and had hot sexxx and lived hapily evr aftr.


End file.
